Epic Excursion: Part 1

Two weeks before I was making the biggest move of my short life, things got messy. By things getting messy I mean a new firecracker walked right into my life when I was trying to get away, get away from everything that I had known and been comfortable with and this something started holding me tighter than I had felt in years. I was ready to leave and ready to start over, but then it hit me, what if I'm missing the point of all of this. It really shouldn't matter where I am, but it's all about who I'm with.

My personality works this way.

I walk around and claim I am not this "girlfriend" girl, but I am. I was made to care for some other human being. I just let people in enough to push them away when I feel like it' s getting too involved or I am getting too close. Mykel ruined me and is the only person I could imagine letting in to my life so far as he went. Then again a few choice people have been walking in recently and I want to show them all of me. All the ups and downs, all the craziness and all the love I have to give.

At this point it was too late for any sucker back in Boston, except for one. The one that held me tight. He knew about my life and everything that was going on, but that made me so much more attractive. It's hard to like a crazy girl, it's easier when she's a) about to move about 1,000 miles away and b) when the girl is already semi-attached to someone who only semi-exist.

Everything was working out. I had the big move planned there was a man who cared about me and was willing to help me with everything and as life always seems to work out I was right there ready to fuck up everything that was working out so lovely.

He was gorgeous, a total babe. The type that I should never get myself involved with because while he is the boyfriend type, the marrying type, he is not that type of my boyrfriend type. He was so handsome, so funny and wasn't afraid of any kind of rejection.

"I love your body," was the first phrase I remember him saying to me. What kind of person feels confident enough to speak like that? So freely and easily... man am I jealous of free thinkers, of care-free humans.

What a breath of fresh air after I've been breathing in carbon dioxide for the past four years. So it goes, and so it went...

After the first encounter everything became about me. I haven't had a single person make everything about me and make me number one in so long I kind of made a joke out of the whole thing and just tried to go with the whole situation and nix my negativity for just a few days. I didn't want anything, but isn't that how it always is? It's at the worst times that the best people fall right into your hands.

The first minute I saw him I knew I had to be closer to him and had to spend all the time I could getting closer to this stupid man. All i wanted to do was remain sitting in that chair made for two with him. The whole situation was ridiculous and silly, but I wanted to be near him.

I had bigger problems than just making sure this guy wanted to be around me as well. I had my boy half way across the country. I wish I could keep my mind on only one thing. I blame the internet. It has decentralized everything and made all of us so scatter brained that it is hard to focus on one person.

And that focus that did not exist would only bring more issues into the already complicated situation.

Epic Excursions: The Beginning

If this doesn't show exactly how everything we have ever learned about love and happiness, from fairy tales or stupid blockbuster hits, is complete bullshit then I don't know what will. I've tried to live the average life. The point A to point B to point C and so on type lifestyle and that failed to bring anything all too wonderful so it was up to me to try out some alternative endings.

First of all, I was in love once. It ended with a broken face (not mine), a smashed head (mine),blood on my parents' glass front door, a hooded sweatshirt of a band that had broken up lit up in flames and worst of all a broken heart. Nonetheless, love is not attractive to me. Other things are though; men and sex.

Both of these are dangerous things, especially when mixed together. It's a deadly combination. Nevertheless, dating is a good solution. The biggest problem being the inevitable, I want the man to be more or the man wants me to be more. Without love this isn't hard because it's easy to look the other way. Unfortunately, I am going out into the world with two strikes against me from the start, I am human and I am female.

It gets better...