Emotional Without Reservation

Twenty-Four hours a day is the amount of time my anxiety acts up against me. It's no one's fault but my own. I have failed to learn how to take care of myself and I try to take care of others as well. At the end of the day, everyday, I feel like a complete failure. But I wake up every morning again as if the day will be a success. One day it will be. One day there will be great success for me and I can look at my reflection and feel succesful.

I feel like such a child, so helpless and so alone. I look into your eyes and there is nothing in your spirit that has me. There is nothing that exists for me inside your beautiful soul, but I keep looking. I am looking for something that could exist. And I pick apart everything. And I will ruin everything because I can't just be in this. I can't just live. I am in the past, the future and I neglect the present.

I neglect and ignore all the words you sya to me, all the things you do for me.

Lo siento, mi amor.

I was Queen and you took away my Crown

Sometimes, late at night, I walk around this new place that I have been calling home for just over two months and keep seeing these familar faces on complete strangers. I am not sure what to make of it, but I'm trying. I'm trying to figure out how I fit into this strange new world. I am a lone wolf. I am a loner, I am a rebel and I remain independent. Worrying about things that are far out of my control are thoughts that flow through my mind as I walk, as I look into the eyes of strangers.

I am certainly going through some changes and I am trying to harness my own reality. I'm floating. And you are partying. So far away from me and I'm here fending for myself. It's more normal than anything else.You need human contact, human interaction. I need human contact, I need human interaction, but when I have had too much I need solitude. I need isolation. You want, and want and want these tanglible things and I need, I need, I need the intangible.

Solo.